You came back! I wasn’t sure I’d see you again, but here you are in all your glory! Did you do something different with your hair? You are wearing that outfit, babe. Did you know that your friends actually say nice things about you when you’re not around? It’s true! They love you, and they feel that you bring a lot to the table. Damn. That’s pretty cool, if you ask me.
It has been a week, people. Lotta ups and downs. Lots of things that are hard to ignore, so it’s easy to get swept up in it all. It’s struggling for air when you can still breathe.
I don’t want *this* air. I want *different* air.
We’re still here, though. Even as the vibes ebb and flow, we stay doing silly shit and managing to smile and to love despite it all. That’s pretty amazing when you think about it. You’re pushing back against all the forces that seek to hold you down, and a lot of the time, you’re not even aware of it. Now that’s what I call strength.
To sum up: You’re killing it, and you look damn good doing it. You should be extremely proud.
Anyway…
I WROTE A STORY AND THAT’S REALLY COOL
…Holy shit, I have a story out that you can read. Someone liked my words enough to make them available for others to read on their platform. What a brave new world this is, indeed!
The fine folks at Punk Noir Press had an open call for pieces with the theme being “Limbo”. You could interpret the prompt however you wanted, and you had a 200 max word count. I do a microfiction challenge every October, so I figured I’d give it a go.
Y’all. They liked it.
Read my newly published piece, “The Gang’s All Here” right here on Punk Noir Press.
https://punknoirmagazine.wordpress.com/2024/07/02/the-gangs-all-here-a-limbo-short-by-andrew-keahey/
Here’s to the first of many acceptance emails from magazines! Ya boi ain’t dead yet!
BOOK REVIEW: ‘Borne’ by Jeff Vandermeer (2017)
There’s More Than One Way to End the World
The world ends. That’s okay, it’s happened thousands upon thousands of times. Key threads tie all the stories together: Isolation, desperation, and the loss of systems and comforts that once made living easy. Glimmers of the past sparkle in a ruined distance, keeping hope alive for every scavenger and wanderer that the world isn’t dead. The world is simply waiting.
What breaks these stories down into smaller groups is the shape of the gun that pulls the trigger. If you’re a fan of Fallout or the majority of apocalyptic media, it’s bombs being dropped. Human nature finally reaching a point of selfishness and unsustainability, causing it to consume itself in an ouroboros of instantaneous death and all-consuming fire. If you’re a genre hopper like I am, you’ve also experienced things like zombies, AI, and aliens crashing into our world like wrecking balls, and sending humanity reeling. These stories are compelling because there’s a loss of control and they say a lot about how human beings react in the face of cataclysm.
Borne is a little different. It has that loss of control, systems, and comforts, and replaces them with something new and pulsing, growing just below the surface of the shattered roads.
The book follows a scavenger named Rachel as she navigates a city ruined by ‘The Company’, an all-encompassing entity that casts a shadow over the story with all the destruction they’ve wrought. She collects pieces of biotech and brings them back to her partner Wick–a scientist who used to work for the company–so he can build things they can use for both trade and survival. This is no easy task for Rachel, as the city surrounding is filled with horrors and obstacles that make life more and more difficult every day. There are feral mutant children, a mysterious crime lord known only as The Magician, Company traps, toxins… and the giant flying bear.
Yes, there’s a giant flying bear named “Mord”, who rules over the city. He makes things… Difficult.
In the fur of Mord the bear, Rachel finds a strange piece of biotech she’s never seen before. A strange, shapeshifting creature that she names “Borne”. She brings it back with her, and as it grows, it begins to change Rachel and the world around her as she knows it.
Borne is an exploration of what it means to be a person moving through the world and what happens when we try to control that which cannot be controlled. It examines our relationship with nature, the role we’ve taken in its destruction, and it makes a point of showing us that no matter what we do, nature will carry on. The only thing we’re destroying is ourselves. It shows what happens when power–both taken and given–is inevitably corrupted, and poses the question, “What then?”
Jeff Vandermeer is no stranger to exploring the horrors of twisted nature. Best known for The Southern Reach Trilogy (Annihilation, Authority, and Acceptance), Vandermeer is a massive advocate for nature conservation, using a good chunk of the money he received from the film version of Annihilation (a film he doesn’t seem to be particularly fond of) to protect Florida wilderness.
He’s able to draw so much from the natural world and synthesize it into his own vision of the apocalypse, which is unlike anything I’ve seen before. His keen observational eye brings a depth to the strange biology of Borne that wraps you in its tentacles and doesn’t let you go until you turn the final page, and his experience battling against greedy politicians and the corporations poisoning our world will rattle you. Fiction is a mirror of the world around us, and Borne is a stunning example of this. I dare you to read this book and not be changed by it.
When I finished the book, I got whiplash when returning to the real world. To no longer be moving with Rachel through the city, no longer watching Borne himself grow and learn, and feel the gravity of a giant bear hanging above me was jarring, to say the least. It’s not a world you want to be in necessarily, but it’s a world that feels lived-in and real.
There are follow-up books that take place in the same universe: The Strange Bird: A Borne Story(2017) and Dead Astronauts (2019). I haven’t read them yet, but it’s a universe I can’t wait to return to.
If you like eco-horror, monsters that feel like a very real threat, and incredible prose that will take your breath away, pick up Borne. See what grows on you as a result.
Who Wants To Have A Fun Talk About Theater Etiquette?
*Sits on chair backwards and sighs deeply*
Y’all don’t know how to act in movie theaters anymore.
Obviously this doesn’t apply to all of you because I see plenty of people who share my opinion, but it’s gotten to the point that I feel as though I need to say something about it. I need to restate what I thought were clear expectations of how to act when you go out to enjoy a night at the cinema because something has shifted and not for the better.
Many people blame this loss of decorum on the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, saying that, as a whole, a good chunk of the population has forgotten what it means to exist in a world with other people in it. Maybe that’s part of it. Others have suggested that the movies themselves are to blame, with large releases from studios like Marvel all but encouraging audience “participation” by cultivating moments designed to shock the audience into a vocal reaction. Maybe that’s part of it too. I know that after lockdown, I was very uneasy in public places, to the point where it did have an impact on my behavior. I don’t think I was disruptive, but I definitely wasn’t the same person I’d been in 2019. I also know that when Avengers: Endgame came out, I cheered along with a sold-out theater full of people the moment that Captain America was able to summon Thor’s hammer. It was a huge moment and ultimately, I know that the experience I had in that theater was once in a lifetime.
But what did it lead to?
Now you have people in movies recording with their phones so they can post “Audience Reaction” videos to YouTube, which net millions of views. You have people commenting out loud during the movie itself because they’ve been rewired to think that watching a movie in a theater is now a collaborative experience between them and the filmmakers. You have people who don’t remember what going to the movies is supposed to be, and it’s destroying the experience.
I know that this little rant in the newsletter of an unknown isn’t going to sway the hearts and minds of the masses, but just for giggles, I’m penning some movie theater rules we should all be abiding by in order to make the experience a pleasant one for everyone who forked over $15 to see a movie they’ve been waiting to see.
Don’t Talk
Somehow, we’re starting here. There are all kinds of articles out there that talk about how seeing a movie might not be the ideal first date because of the expectation of silence, but I disagree. I think it’s a great date idea because you can learn a lot about someone based on their interpretation of a story you both just enjoyed. However, that discussion needs to happen after the credits roll.
People having outright conversations during movies has reached a breaking point, and I don’t understand it. Why would you pay money to ruin the experience of the other people around you? No matter how special your mom led you to believe you are, no one bought a ticket to hear what you think. No one is interested in hearing your reaction to a scene. No one cares about the latest gossip in your friend group, so leave it at the concession stand. If something scares you, you’re allowed to gasp. If something tickles you, you’re allowed to laugh. Like all art, movies are meant to make you feel something, and no one–least of all me, a person who will scream if something jumps at me unexpectedly–is telling you to be silent.
I’m just telling you to stop talking. If you think that what you have to say is that valuable and you need a rapt audience that badly, start a YouTube channel.
Put Down The Damn Phone
I swear to the gods both above and below that you will pay dearly for making me take on this boomer-ass talking point, but you need to get off your phone. Some will read this and think that I mean, “Don’t take phone calls during the movie”. You shouldn’t do that either, but that’s not really what I mean in this instance, because that’s pretty much covered by my previous talking point. No, I mean just keep your phone out of sight. Keep that bitch in your pocket. Hell, turn it all the way off. I can say with near 100% certainty that you’re not going to get a life-altering text in the 2 hours it takes to watch a movie from beginning to end. No one is offering you a job and then saying, “Wow. I see how it is. Pretty fucked up.” and then giving the job to someone else.
If you think that might happen, then maybe go to the movies on a different day? If you can’t keep your phone dark and away for two hours, then the theater isn’t the place for you, because here’s the thing: Even when it’s dim, it’s bright. It’s a distraction. For me, personally, I found it more distracting than talking. I know when you’re at home, you most likely scroll your phone while you watch TV, and that’s fine! We all do it! If that’s what you want to do, wait for the movie to hit digital, and do it at home. You’re not detracting from anyone else’s experience, and you’re watching the way you want to watch on your terms.
In addition, QUIT TAKING PICTURES OF THE SCREEN. I don’t know where this came from. I don’t know why you need to take a picture of the title card to prove you were there. There are posters and cardboard displays in the lobby that you can photograph without disturbing anyone.
Don’t make it a bad experience for the other people who have too much anxiety to say anything to you and paid, again, $15 for a ticket in this economy.
Your Baby Isn’t Built Different
Why am I in this horror movie listening to a child talk to an iPad? That’s bad parenting. Not the iPad part… I don’t claim to know how to parent a child in this, our modern society. But the part where someone is getting their eyes plucked out while they scream the word FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK? That part. That’s the least Bluey shit imaginable.
Your kid should be learning keepy uppy in talking dog Australia. Not internalizing the effect that a chainsaw has on a human thigh.
Horror is an extreme example of this phenomenon, but I’m using it because I’ve seen this in real life. Multiple. Times. It can happen in any movie, and it’s the result of parents thinking they can give their kid something distracting and then they can enjoy a grownup time at the cinema. It doesn’t work this way. I shouldn’t have to tell you that it doesn’t work this way.
I’m not one of those insane people who hop on the internet and say shit like, “Children shouldn’t be allowed in public! I don’t think restaurants should allow children at all! Kids should be kept in a box until the age of 12! When a kid is crying on an airplane, I hope we all crash and die! When I see a child running, I wanna trip it!” Children are people and if we’re ever going to progress as a species, we need to embrace every person, big and small. This is called ‘community’, and without it, we literally all die.
Children should see movies! When we were kids, my parents took my brother and I to movies, and it was so much fun! I have really fond memories of going to the movies with my family. Those were kid's movies like The Little Mermaid and The Lion King, and when they weren’t, we were old enough to know that we would need to be quiet. It was that simple.
Bring your kids to kid's showings! A lot of theaters have them now, and there isn’t an expectation of silence! See if there are any in your area! But if you’re going to see an adult movie, you should find someone to watch your child. It’s not fair to them or the people around you.
You’re Not At Home
This is gonna be a combo point, because there isn’t a lot to dive into with each of these points, but for some reason, they need to be said:
-Clean up after yourself. You’re a fucking adult. You carried the snacks in there, you can carry the empty containers to the trash cans that are placed at every single exit. Stop making people’s jobs harder for no reason.
-Keep your shoes on. The fuck? Who raised y’all?
-Stay awake. How many times am I going to be in a theater trying to watch a movie while someone is actively snoring? You know you can nap at home for free, right? You don’t have to pay $15.
_____________
I’m not trying to be a curmudgeon or some funless ghoul, but there has to be a line. The theater experience has deteriorated into something that’s hard to justify spending money on. I like going to the movies, but watching on digital is proving to be the best way for me to enjoy new movies. I shouldn’t have to do that, especially when new releases are spoiled instantly on social media.
I know I’m screaming into the void on this one, but I felt the need to say something because there are a lot of people who will go out of their way to defend this behavior. I can’t allow them to be unopposed. Lets just be respectful of the people around us and have a fun time at the movies again.
YOUR WEEKLY MISSION
Last week I asked you to write a letter. Maybe you did and maybe you didn’t. It’s okay either way. You can send a letter any time you want to, and I hope you’re still thinking about it. If you did, I hope you get an excited text or call sometime soon <3
This week is different. I have a new task for you, dear reader. This week, your mission is to give someone a book. You don’t have to buy a book. You can if you want, but it’s not required. If you have a book on your shelf that you really enjoy and you know someone who might like that book, maybe just give it to them. You don’t have to have a reason to give someone a gift. To give someone a story you feel will resonate with them says a lot about them and you. It makes people feel known and seen. Of course, it doesn’t have to be a story. It can be a book about mushroom cultivation for all I care. It just has to go to a person that you think will resonate with it.
As always, if you know me in real life, you shouldn’t take the easy route and gift me a book. I love you, but that’s cheating.
Let me know if you give someone a book. Tell me how it felt! How they reacted! What book it was! I’m dying to know!
SNAPSHOT OF THE WEEK
We had a Father’s Day barbeque, and my partner Jenn was manning the grill… Actually, scratch that. It wasn’t her, it was her Dadsona, “Steely” Dan Halen. He’s divorced, he loves classic rock, and he grills a mean steak. Photo taken with Canon R8 (My Dadsona is named Brian).
Before we sign off, I forgot something last week that I really wanted to include, so we’re doing it now and onward for as long as we need to.
The humanitarian crisis in Palestine is brutal, incessant, and unthinkable. Families are trying to flee to neighboring Egypt, but they’re having to bribe their way across the border which takes thousands of dollars to do.
This week, I would like to highlight Sami Alshannat who is raising money to evacuate his family. He’s about halfway to his goal, so if you have anything to spare, I encourage you to send it his way. Even the littlest bit helps.
That’s it for this week! We don’t know what the next seven days will bring, but we do know that we can get through it together. Remember to celebrate every win, to pick people up when they stumble, and for the love of Jason Voorhees, stay hydrated. Don’t play games with the summer sun, because she’s been winning for 4.6 Billion years, and she ain’t gonna start losing now.
And tell the people in your life that you care about them. You’ll never reach a point where you’ve said it too much.
I had just finished a book and was like my old coworker would like this. Challenge accepted!
My dadsona is Chuck, and he likes building models of UFOs and hanging them in his garage/monitoring station. He has a ham radio so he can listen for truckers talking about paranormal phenomenon. He has 3 daughters and they're the only reason he remembers to eat. He's convinced his ex wife is a reptilian, and thats how he justifies divorcing her after discovering she swims with socks on.